wad i just realise about myself

1) i like to bear grudges

only if my short term memory allows and only if they do me enough harm. ppl like eva for example. she bullied and pick on my mistakes from the first day i work for three straight months. not that she din try to be nice to me, she was sth really nice, but she like to believe rumors of me saying things behind her back which i never even heard of myself. and she will just unleash her fury on me when i am as clueless as i can be on wad happened. den she will go to the drain and puff her heart out. smoking really makes her look damn old. i've sent her pics to all my close frens and let them laugh at her alr. i felt much better now.


2) i am very shallow.

for one thing, altho i really hate to admit it, i detest ugly ppl! how how. shit, i am very very ashamed of myself. i rmb there are times guys used to tell me i am very ugly, and i whacked and tortured them till they begged me to stop. i will yell, "ugly den is not human being is it! sickening!!!" den i will lock myself in my room for three days singing sad songs to myself and scrutinise evry flaw on my face and slash my wrists (just kidding). but now, i really really loathe talking/interacting with ugly guys. i haven met any ugly girls yet, but guys! actually of cos they are not ugly, ugly's too strong a word. they are unkempt. dirty. wanling will surely say i am being very bad here, but in the midst of her non-stop giggling, i think she agrees with me.

3) i am materialistic.

i bought an average of one new top per week, even tho i am very very very broke. i jus crushed wang's hp lcd screen and the repairs is like 50 bucks. i bought a new sports jacket to go lectures with me. and now i am fantasizing about a white leather bag. not to mention i have many pairs of shoes in my closet but i am too lazy to dig them out and bring them for a walk. i owe my mom two allowances in advance.(not tt i din give her 100% of my salary)

4) i have been very bad to my wang.

i was impatient; i told him he is late as long as he reach the destination after me, despite the fact that i may be 30 mins early. i am unreasonable; i kept "humph"-ing him if he were to say sth wrong for like ten tousand yrs. i am violent; i will poke him and push his head around.

i think its very brave of me to confess my sins. i shall strive to be a better person.