in general...

was feeling depressed the other day. tot army boys were cute to look at but horrible to date. think i only need my frens when i'm sad and they dun seem to need me when they're sad(or maybe they have not been sad for very long).

HAI

Today is the first year and second month and fifteenth day of me and wang together!!
(act I was entirely bored and wanted to celebrate sth).

I think being wit wang is like a tornado. Happy one moment, pissed the next. I seriously cant tell which is more in this whole relationship. For one thing, he is very understanding and forgiving, like a dog actually. However, he can be quite insensitive which makes my head wan to burst and several times my heart broken. I quite regretted that I did not keep every receipt or movie ticket of everything we done, bought, watched and ate together, cos they sure can be a good laugh. He is the most childish, lovable twit I’ve met, cos he is so whiny and egoistic at the same time. When I was single, I used to say I cant stand guys who are egoistic cos they control and restrict u, sometimes wanting u to report to them and all. But I have somehow become a xiao nu ren, cos I enjoyed being bossed around. But most of the time if he happens to raise his voice at me i will raise mine by more decibels and he will squirm in his seat and apologise, while obeying my every command. I have "trained" him to be very obedient, for he dare not criticise me and talk back when I give a warning look. I really jus have to glare at him and he will get the point.

he is really like a kid, cant grow up. he needs constant reminders to shave so his stubble will not evolve int a beard, and to wipe his mouth clean after meals and all. you cant really tell that he's this kinda kid; he looks quite ah beng at the first impression, according to bz. plu si think he's quite a prominent kid in school, cos everyone noes who he is and they noe who i am only after when i am with him. den they were saying like we are not compatible and all, but look who has the last laugh. not them, not wang, but ME. why so? cos i am running my life and wang's life, running his money and my money, criticising his faults and accusing him of my faults. haha. i'm sure wang will agree when he look at this sentence. plus i am no longer afraid of wad ppl say abt my looks to destroy our relationship(tho i am still afraid ppl say so to decay my self esteem), cos i believe i've become stronger and smarter and faster and invincible. my omnipotent prescence will soon turn their mere existence to crumbs!! haha. i am jus sick of wad ppl have to chip in in reality, cos wad they say dun really matter anymore, cos i am having the last laugh, eh?

there was this time when a kbox guy came asking to be my fren and buying me and bing a drink and all, and i told this to wang. he only gave obligatory responses like "who's the guy?", "wad did u say" etc. he didn't really portray that he was jealous or cautious or wary or alert of competitor etc. so i ask him how he feel he says "ok lor". wad the hell is "ok lor"? so i ask him more directly in case he missed the point like aren't u jealous or anything. he says cos he trusts me and noe i wun elope with the guy. wth. but he did say sth like gg to the k box and finding the guy. recently i was pestered by a frequent amount of idiots who wan to sit near me or wan to take money from me or some other form of crap. he jus listened with half-hearted interest when i tell him these encounters and i think he dun believe it really happen to me, and that i jus made all of them up to get his attention. the thing is, these crap dun happen when i am with him. but isn't the reason why obvious? cos his presence is some form of shield that deters these flies! if they dare to mess with me wun wang be there to beat them up? i noe he trusts me and all, but us old couples needed romance sth so we stay tgt, so i hope he gives a more charming answer if similar things happen.

he has jus entered army, and says he's treated like a dog in there, and when he hanged out with me when he book out, he is also treated like a dog. really is super LOL. but i have treated him this way since dunno when so he has less to adapt in the army. i tot at least he is pampered with me not driven mad like hell in army. plus his botak head is super adorable and i command him to shave his head for the rest of his life, and i think he is highly unlikely to obey wad i say this time. he keep asking me if i will laugh at his face when he book out. but his ears really is so popped out i think he looks much better this way.

altho the both of us is not rich enough, suffered more den enough, working our ass out, i still think we did not led a less happy life den others. as my frens tell me, we are dependent on each other to the slight exyent of obsession. oops.

fury burning

i am now working in a technical park under the an engineering quarters, where the folks there built ships. thay are concerned with the piping, weight calculations, contamination, pressure and temperature, only in a more complicated manner. my position is a admin temp, and i work under this girl E. after my first weeks fellow workers bombard me somehow in indirect manners whether i minded E yelling at me all the time. Given my usual critical self, i wud have hated her to the bone, but surprisingly this time, i wanted to put up wit her. cos her yelling wasn't intentional; she was on the verge of gg insane due to impossible datelines and mountains of paperwork dumped at her desk when she has not yet started to protest. plus, i was inexperienced, and couldn't do simple tasks correctly. and obviously, our working style is vastly mismatched; she prefers me to ask when in doubt, inform when complete and request more work. me, on the other hand, prefers to act instinctively, and as a reminder, i am so un-meticulous and lacks common sense so much to the extent of being mentally handicapped. she is always buzzing ard due to her heavy workload while i can only stare cos i am not given clear instructions to follow.

there was this time during lunch when a guy ask me if E is fierce. i replied cos she is stressed, thats why she cant help yelling. if i am in her shoes, i will most likely behaved worse. i guess that is the correct answer, which is rare cos correct answers are usually given cos i am lying, but this time is an exception. i am relieved i have blurted this reply given my retarded brain, cos i realise ppl in the office can be cunning and sly. if i said, 'ya wads her problem huh?' i probably be searching for a new job right now. i noe wads her problem of cos, its me. but recently the yelling has ceased, cos i guess we are blending to each other's working habits. she is impatient like i am cos there is tons of work left gathering dust and rotting that's needs to be dusted and once again introduced to light. back to sly ppl, the boy who asked me the mildly disguised interrogating qn can well be a spy, put over nicely, someone who looks out for his fren. he could have wait till i blurt the incorrect reply and AHA!!! YOU"RE ON TAPE!!

but of cos he is not that boliao, he looks like a nice person. quiet.

plus i say i dun mind that hollering cos it is emitted from a stressed out folk, and i really shud understand. plus despite our unpleasant partnership at work, i dun believe she has badmouth me behind my back, cos when some other ppl were to offend me in a joking manner (or not), she wud stand up for me. like when this indian guy said i am her slave in front of her, she reprimanded him saying he was rude, and apparently i was in earshot, or i would not have heard.

HOWEVER, i cant believe that a casual confiding act into one of my colleague has caused a misunderstanding btwn E and me!!! it was after lunch when i was talking to this new girl abt how she is so free during work, she can go on msn and long conversations on her phone. i said my boss, namely john lightbody, disallows me to engage in these interactive programs online. i have completely washed my hands off sneakily msn-ing behind his back btw. den i proceed to say it is ridiculous he can spend time smoking in the hallway near the loo and i cant msn. both are forms of slacking, aren't they? plus, i am at my table if i were to msn, and can resume to work faster den he can carry himself back to his office. PLUS, if he, a man who is supposed to be responsible for more work den a measly temp like me can find time to take a puff, how is it possible that i can resist sitting in front of a com and not logged in? it does not makes sense. when it comes to work, they say,"i expect u to perform as well as our permanent staff, and we will treat u like one." when it comes to benefits, they say,"u are jus a temp, wad u expect man!?"

ARE WE NOT HUMAN!!!??

but all does not matter now, seeing that guodong is in the army.

back to the story, someone(either the girl i confided herself or ppl eavesdropping on my conversation) has told E about this, only she did not include john lightbody. she said i meant E can slack and go smoke while i cant msn, read or sms and i am restricted by her and that i hate her and there is gg to be a catfight soon and i will come back with vengence after resignation and commit arson and watching the whole building turn to ashes will put a sinister smile to my lips complete with a tinge of mockery in my eyes. i am not sure for now who the culprit was, but as my close frens will noe i am intolerant of such ppl. their cowardly attempt at ruining my name is so despicable and they shud be put to justice. as always i have my ways of tracking down this person, and my guess are wildly accurate. i shud not mention who i am suspicious in this blog, as i have hackers and intruders to my blog before.

E signaled me over to her desk today, and asked me if i knew wad my job scope was, and i said i have a rough idea, cos i cant really rmb. she said i was supposed to blah...(i fell aslp there) and was suddenly awaken when she say,"if u have any dissatisfaction, just tell me OK?" any deaf and dumb retard will noe that she is pissed wit me, and of cos, i have freaking no idea why, she said i was disallowed to do so many things was cos they were john lightbody's orders, and she was following orders. i said i understand, AND I MEAN IT. she does not look convinced to me. she continued and said she heard someone say i accuse her of slacking and she is domineering and restrictive. with that i got a bit panicky and hell lot pissed. i told her i meant john, not u, and i said he did not set example for ppl to follow, and therefore is not a very respectable being. at this, her voice turned gentle and said the workforce is like that. he's the boss u noe? etc etc... she said someone told her i said this(which cos the freaking misunderstanding) and she noe who(of cos) and i dun(not yet for now). den she become all nice and motherly and chatty wit me. lol.

laughing aside, i am determined and burning with strength to dish out that filthy coward who tell on me and exaggerating stories to spice up her life or perhaps to get herself/himself in a more favourable position. as i have mentioned that every word i put in my blog is the most truthful and i will not remove or alter them in any way shud characters mentioned here chance upon this site. and NOW, this is exactly how i felt towards the culprit, UNDERHAND, SNEAKY, COWARDLY, AND IS A GREAT BIG LIAR. if the culprit is to be exposed whether at or against his/her own will, i will still not alter this entry, cos if u were to put yourself in my shoes, dun u wish to tear this tell tale idiot apart?

imagine if E did not confront me, the misunderstanding will drag on, and she will detest me for sth i did not do. i admit i mentioned E's name during confiding, cos i have to say she disallow me to do things cos she had to, right? john's orders are not given directly to me, its thru her. and if the culprit were to feel angry at me and all, for all i care, go ahead. someone who will tell untrue myths behind my back is not worth a fren making anyway. but of cos, there cud be a misunderstanding btwn me and the culprit, cos maybe E misinterpret her saying wad i said. den if the latter is true, she of cos will no longer be a culprit, and these things do not refer to her. but if otherwise, offend me at ur own risk.