suddenly, just suddenly, i want to blog about wang.

two days before we had a huge quarrel over the phone and we both cried. he told me his sergeant made him say things about himself and someone shouted my name and the guys all i expect him to talk about me. but the thing is, his brother is in the same bunk as him, and he felt extremely embarrassed and he said, "can i dun talk about it?"

which made me really pissed off.

1) he make it sound like we are gg thru a rocky part of our relationship and we quarrel everyday so much that the mere mention of my name is such a turn off and he "dun wan to talk abt it"

2) we are entering our 18th month and he is still afraid to tell his family about me! and wth am i so disgraceful? that hideous to the extent that if they shud meet me they will vomit blood and we will eventually go seperate ways cos of violent protests from his family?

3) he took a bloody long time to adapt to the fact that all his frens noe we are tgt. i dun wan to wait 10 years for his family to noe i exist.

4) wad will all his bunk mates think? and if he were to bump into his mates when we are tgt wad will they think? all forms of explanation is useless den. and his frens alr think i am some despo who stick to him cos at the very beginning of our relationship, he refused to tell ppl abt me. so i am the only one-sided party who go ard saying me and wang are tgt when there is no confirmation on the guy's part.

5) he still have the bloody nerve to say i dun understand. and he also said if i want him to change this habit, i must change one bad thing about myself too.

i gave him a bloody blunt NO. cos i din do anything to upset him, so why shud i take punishement? is that fair to me? all i wan is a name and recognition, and he refused to give me that. he say he dunno why he is like that, feeling all queasy when ppl ask him about me. come to think of it, he was never really proud of me.

am i being unreasonable here? he kept saying sorry on the phone but honestly, i dun wan to forgive him at all. cos if i do, he will conveniently forgot that we had this conversation and in the end nothing will be done to correct this mistake. he said i shud give him time to change which i agreed, and the deadline is 23rd august. at that point of time i really want to break off cos i dun think i deserve to live underground. my frens used to tell me he is quite a good catch but so wad? wud u like to be with a good-looking person but suffer cos of his inadequate character?

not that i did not change anything for him. i did, looks-wise and character-wise. and i dun go ard whacking ppl anymore and i dun do things he dun like. so wads taking him so long to change? i din slap him when he told me to get rid of my specs and to have long hair, even tho i tot that was superficial of him to say things like that.

he den said he shud not have told me wad happened at his bunk. ok den continue to hide things from me! imagine if he hadn't told me abt this i will probably live underground for the next decade. and this problem will never be solved and the hurdle remained, obstructing our way. i am still very angry when we hung up.

yesterday, i waited six freaking hours for his reply. i tot he was busy with army stuff when i saw his sms to another person, sent wrongly to me. i practically exploded. u can tell from the contents that it was not the first sms to the other party, and that they have been holding the conversation for very long. WTH! immediately i sms him and ask him why he is so happy abt the activities next day, as stated in the sms. he only replied me at midnight which is another two hours. i was pissed. but the next morning his sms read, "huh i smsed u lei! told u i was packing for field camp etc... and i din receive ur reply too! the sms i sent wrong is act to jerome and i sms him after i sms u. i jus ro and its 12 now. tml need wake up at 5.30 etc.... tried calling u but ur phone is off. hai sorry if i neglected u cos i was busy. u can tell me more bout the bangla when i book out. dun think i will see ur reply cos i'll be leaving at 7 sharp tml, i hope u can take gd care of urself and wait for me to come back. we will cherish each other more. i love u good night."

i teared. i tot he was being very sweet and it is my fault that i misunderstood. i guess i am still pretty influenced about wad happened the night before. and for the next few days we wun be talking to each other cos of his field camp.

but its alright. we are 17 months old and still going strong.

ps:/ the bangla is just an irritating jerk who pester me when i was at ps around 10.30pm. as it was late and wang did not sms to check if i was safe, i was very pissed. so when that idiot bangla walked towards me and do annoying things, i growled so angrily at him he backed off.